Chairman Mao vs The Tandem Bike; Part II.

Today, our last day in Beijing, A and I set out for our third and final attempt to see Chairman Mao on a marble slab. It was a serious business. People were buying flowers to lie at the foot of his statue. There was some jostling to get into prime viewing position. Hundreds, no thousands, of people jumped into lines that snaked around the building. All this for a dead dude. I’m giving him a point right there for making us wait on a corpse.

Score: Chairman Mao 3; The Tandem Bike 0.

But, despite all of the obstacles placed in our way, we did manage to finally see him. One point for us.

So, what does the dead Mao look like? You know those plastic Santa Claus statues that tacky people display in their yards at Christmas? The kind that light up from the inside so that St. Nicky’s cheeks have a rosy red glow? This is what the Maoers looks like. There’s a freakish light shining on his waxy visage that makes it seem as though he has a light bulb bored into the back of his head. It’s really quite disturbing. I was having a hard time controlling my laughter, but I thought the hardcore Maoists might take offense to my mirth. Anyway, for someone who won’t allow flip-flops in his hallowed presence, you’d think he’d be displayed in a more dignified, less cartoonish manner.

Score: Chairman Mao 3; The Tandem Bike 2.

We’re running neck and neck. But when it really comes down to it, he’s been dead for more than 35 years, and suckers like me and A are still flocking to see him. There’s just no fighting with a dead man.

Chairman Mao takes the game.