Getting Pushed Around by Old People in China by Ashley

In the Western world, older people spend their days in bingo halls, mixing up their medications, and reflecting on how Bob Barker was a better “Price is Right” host than Drew Carey.

In the East, the aged do tai chi in the park, stretch their tendons at red lights, and ride bicycles in traffic so hectic you have an anxiety attack just looking at it. This has kept them limber and quick. Combine this with the reverence people in the East have for the elderly (for their alleged “sagacity” and “world experience”), and you have a recipe for creating social misfits.

The elderly in China cut in front of people at every opportunity. Their pointy, skinny elbows are like lethal weapons as they jostle in front of you in every situation possible (such as getting on the subway or waiting in a line).

This is the tale of the day I had enough.

Shannon and I were in line to pick some stuff from a locker where we had stored it before seeing Mao’s body. Think of a coat check set-up where there is a counter and everyone has a numbered ticket to retrieve their stuff.

A man was in line in front of me. I espied an elderly lady standing behind me. I knew her presence could lead to no good.

And I was right.

She was attempting to get a better view of the guy in front of me—ready to pounce into the vacuum he would create during the time he departed with his bag and I would step up to the counter. Once I saw her plan in motion, I decided a counter-strike was necessary.

I stood with my hands on my hips in an effort to make my body as wide as possible, think of a horizontal portcullis, if you will.

The man in front of me left, and I swear, this old lady already had one foot in front of me. How the hell did she do that? Seriously, how did that happen when I was being so vigilant?

I was pissed. It was a blatant move, and really unless she had a pile of diarrhea in her pants, what was the big rush?

I turned to face my adversary and yelled (Yes, it was a yell. I am not just saying it for dramatic effect), “Excuse me!”

That old codger smiled at me and laughed like, “Oh right, I was being a douche bag. You caught me.”

While she was mid-grin, I saw my chance to step up to the counter and hand the ticket-taker my ticket.

I won that round, old people of China.