Hutt Bogans and Tramp Stamps.

Have you ever heard of pack floating? I hadn’t either until I inadvertently signed myself up for it, thinking I was just going on a weekend tramp in the Ruamahunga River gorge. When I became apprised of the situation, I was oh-so-close to backing out because it’s kind of insane. But I didn’t, which leads me to believe that I might be kind of insane.

Here’s the deal: pack floating, as its name suggests, involves using one’s backpack as a floatation device when crossing or following the course of a river. The trick is in making sure you have a plastic packliner without any holes in it. When sealed tightly, the liner turns your pack into something similar to a life jacket, though slightly less stable.

Our plan was to do a two-day loop, hiking to the DOC hut we were staying at on Saturday night and then hiking/pack floating our way out through the river gorge on Sunday. Sounds easy enough, but let me tell you, it was brutal. Lugging that pack up and down the sides of mountains takes a level of endurance that I was not at all prepared for. My legs were literally shaking with fatigue be the end of the first day.

Day two was exponentially harder. Immediately upon setting out, we had to do our first river crossing, trudging straight through waist-deep water in our hiking boots and polypro thermals (the most amazing material of all time, btw). So I was basically soaking wet from 7:30 in the morning until the time we made it back to our van at 5:30 in the evening. And it was effing cold.

Once we made it to the main part of the gorge where the trail ended and we were forced to follow the river the rest of the way out, we all put on wetsuits, which helped a lot. However, mine didn’t have sleeves, and wet polypro can only do so much. But for all the cold and over-the-top physical exertion, pack floating was still super fun. I’d definitely do it again, and probably enjoy it a lot more now that I know the ins and outs of how to go about it.

Some tips if you’re keen to try:
• Unless you live in the tropics, a wet suit is vital. Don’t do a half-suit; you need both tops and bottoms.
• Polypro and/or merino under the wetsuit is even better. Layers are your friend.
• Wear at least two pairs of wool socks. Yes, they’ll be wet and soggy the whole time, but wet wool can still keep your feet from freezing.
• Gaitors. They’ll help keep the gravel out of your boots. I was sorely missing them.
• Make sure your packliner is new. If you spring a leak, you’re screwed.
• Don’t use the chest strap on your pack. You need to be able to get out of it quickly if something happens.

And that was my weekend in a nutshell. I actually feel pretty bad-ass for having made it. The crazy part is that the trip was only graded “medium.” I shudder to think what a “fit” trip would entail—I’m pretty sure I would die.

Anyway, I also learned some new and colorful words to add to my international vocabulary. My tramping companions (two brits, an Aussie, and a Canuck) taught me various derogatory terms, though my absolute favorite was a “Hutt Bogan,” which is somewhat akin to the American redneck. “Hutt” refers to a town near Wellington. And a “Bogan” is recognizable by his scraggly rat-tail or full-on mullet.

Eager to reciprocate in this cultural exchange, I had the privilege of explaining the definition of a tramp stamp. As you can tell, our conversations were very deep and meaningful.